 "Photo: File")
I present this week an all too familiar story that has for some reason escaped the very basic foundations of our West Georgian society. I’m submitting this anonymously as I’d rather not get a bad reputation with the staff and faculty at our school. However, I think it’s also better this way, because now I feel like I could potentially be speaking out for a lot of you who feel the same. The events of this story are based on real situations, but I thought humor would be my most effective means of getting my point across so, without further adieu, enjoy.
My clock read 8:15 a.m. I had set the alarm for 7:30, but forgot that it is a very temperamental clock and only likes to wake itself up on some days. I wonder if it does this only to laugh at me because, alas, I am human and it is only a clock.
I made an apologetic call to my newspaper practicum rider for the day (I am assigned a new helper each week) and ran out to my frost-covered car for Wednesday’s weekly paper delivery of The West Georgian.
Due to my delayed arrival, my helper had to leave early due to classes. I continued my route to my usual destination, located in a faculty parking spot at the back of the UCC. From here, I can finish my route to the UCC, Health Center, Richards College of Business, TLC and the gym in approximately 20 minutes with the help of a borrowed hand truck from gracious gals at the post office. I call him Charlie.
The greathearted and generous officials of our lovely UWG campus have granted me a glorious green parking pass.
They recently honored me this privilege after issuing me a parking ticket for delivering the papers earlier last year due to illegal parking – for this very paper that you’re reading. Last year, I gladly paid the fine for doing my job, courteously of the highly-forgiving West Georgia parking staff. Thankfully, my fine had bought me the illustrious green parking privilege, which I accepted with much glee. After all, I had originally changed my original time-resourceful route to a time-wasteful route per police request, so what’s one more thing?
I think I should also use this time to thank the helpful people that have tried to get me a visible faculty hangtag. See, the thing is, working for this school does not qualify me as staff. Therefore, I could only obtain the next best thing, aka a verbal faculty hangtag. I am not sour about this, as it’s only been six months since my first request. (However, this issue has now been taken care of.)
Back to my current UCC parking spot. I returned from my route with Charlie and a great friend who I randomly ran into on my journey. We will call her Leah-tropolis.
During the walk back to my car, I received a call that my vehicle was being ticketed for illegal parking. I thanked the stranger for their warning and hurried back, leaving Charlie in front of the UCC with one stack of paper for the gym. Leah-troplois placed a stick on top of Charlie to disguise him from any thieves.
And that’s when I see her. Standing in front of my white car is the one and only: The Wicked Witch of West Georgia! I’ve dealt with her my fair share in past routes so I knew what I was getting into.
“I’m sorry, I was just about to leave,” I said. I suddenly remember a conversation I had with a parking attendant once. Ah, yes! My granted permission to park in the faculty parking space! How could I forget?
“It’s okay, kind sir,” she said. “But next time I’m going to tow you,” she continued with a wink of an eye. And with that, Leah-tropolis and I hopped in my car to drive to the nearest student parking spot, Tyus Hall! I felt bad for my internal name-calling earlier, so I decided to rename her the Grinch because I felt her heart grew three sizes that day.
On our very short walk back to Point A, we suddenly remembered one very important detail. We forgot Charlie! With super human speed, we arrived back and reunited with Charlie.
Joyously, we delivered the last paper and made a short stop at the police station. Leah-tropolis had accidentally locked her keys inside her car, bless her heart. Unfortunately, the UWG police could not help due to a news-breaking story about a diamond thief who was currently in high-speed pursuit on Maple Street. Thank goodness Charlie was camouflaged earlier!
After our solemn walk back, I noticed a ticket positioned on my windshield, right underneath the windshield wiper. The wicked witch had returned! She had duped us with her niceties in order to distract me. So sneaky! Sly! Sinister!
And this is where our story ends.
There are many lessons to learn here.
Lesson 1 - I spent $85 out-of-pocket for you, so that you can read this very story. However, my current fine is being debatably appealed.
Lesson 2 - Once a witch, always a witch.
Lesson 3 - Friends make the world go around.
Lesson 4 - Conan O’ Brian said it best and I couldn’t agree with him more: “All I ask is one thing and I'm asking this particular of young people that watch. Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere.”
I want to officially end this by saying I am very proud to be a part of The West Georgian and am also extremely thankful for this job. I just wanted to be treated as an adult and I know for a fact that a lot of you feel the same.
How is issuing students hundreds of dollars in parking fines going to help our education or make us even feel like we’re being treated as equals? I invite everyone to partake in this week’s poll entitled “How much have you paid in parking tickets?”
Everyone is encouraged to share their personal story online.
1 comments